I have all of the feelings now. I'm sober. Sad, tired, happy, ecstatic, terrified, sexy, ugly, bored...
IT FEELS GOOD.
IT FEELS BAD.
IT FEELS REAL.
I am officially ONE YEAR sober. I gave up alcohol on June 8th of 2016. I am not going to ever drink again. This is my story of hope and recovery-NOT of how f-ed up I was. With my blog, I hope people find a little hope or a little laugh with this thing we call LIFE. It's good. It's bad. It's real.
I started my blog because in the drunk-o-sphere, I needed someone to understand me. I couldn't stop drinking. This was not through lack of trying. I did the yoga yourself out of how fucked up you are, I did the AA meetings, the SMART meetings, and I did inpatient and outpatient. I jumped onboard for every sobersquad there was. There are two things I cannot do: 1. Glamorize my sober path and 2. Sugar coat my drinking days. I cannot make the words beautiful around how ugly my actions were. And, I cannot make my sober path seem elite or enlightened. It was not all ugly. But, a lot of bits were. It is not all pretty, but a lot of bits are.
I am still trying to figure it all out without judgement, without declaring I have all of the answers, and above all, without capitalizing on others in need. I do not consider my quest to become alcohol free a blessing nor do I consider it a curse. Life is what you make of it. There are so many things that people recover from, and not all of it is addiction. Sometimes it is just a bad attitude.
I've learned a lot in my year sober and it all boils down to one thing...you don't have to follow someone else's path. No one can save you from yourself. If you're like me you looked in the mirror after about 15-20 years of drinking and said, "Sober up, Buttercup."