3 Things that Alcohol Helped
That is me drunk making fart noises on a chair. See #3 for the whole cinematic adventure. blah blah blah. I used to drink a lot. But, I am sober now and guess what? These are the top 3 things that drinking helped. I would like to yell "sober is better" all of the time. 99.9% of the time sobriety wins, but these three things have definitely not improved in sobriety.
I have developed a sincere frustration with snoring. Right now I am sitting in my work lounge where occasionally people nap. There is a lady snoring right behind me. I am trying to figure out who is going to be the next president and she is choking on her own sleep. I swear. This never bothered me before. I hear things when I sleep now. I am no longer in an alcohol induced coma. I get awoken. Snoring is the worst.
My sense of smell is back in full force. Guess what? I don't always smell like roses. Neither does the gym, cabs, airplanes, hotels, cigarettes....you get it. Everything has a smell. I guess alcohol kills your ability to smell. Well, thanks to sobriety I smell it all now. And, it stinks.
3. Drunk People.
Yep. I said it. They're bonkers. I absolutely cannot stand hearing another drunk person burst into their sad childhood/extraordinary opinions/unwarranted compliments/drunken complaints/unbelievable bravado/etc. You can hear it in a voice over the phone. The tinge of drunkenness that is about to exhaust you. The 3 "byes" it takes to end the phone call. I find it absolutely crazy that anyone enjoys "Drunk History" and "Drunk girl puts on makeup" youtube videos. I guess I could've made money with my embarrassing videos. I one time sat on a squeaky chair and squeaked it over and over like a fart for at least an hour. Is it funny? Yeah. Is it annoying? Abso-fucking-lutely.
I've accepted that now I am more susceptible to every little thing. I like it most of the time. Next step, learning how to not be a bitch about the things I don't like. What's the "quit being a bitch" step on the 12 step program? Yeah, prob steps 2,4,5,7 and 10 could help. But being the fairweather fan of AA that I am, I am just going to tell people when they stink. Easier.