3 Things that Alcohol Helped

That is me drunk making fart noises on a chair.  See #3 for the whole cinematic adventure. blah blah blah.  I used to drink a lot.  But, I am sober now and guess what?  These are the top 3 things that drinking helped.  I would like to yell "sober is better" all of the time.  99.9% of the time sobriety wins, but these three things have definitely not improved in sobriety.  

1.  Snoring.

I have developed a sincere frustration with snoring.  Right now I am sitting in my work lounge where occasionally people nap.  There is a lady snoring right behind me.  I am trying to figure out who is going to be the next president and she is choking on her own sleep.  I swear.  This never bothered me before.  I hear things when I sleep now.  I am no longer in an alcohol induced coma.  I get awoken.  Snoring is the worst.  

2.  Smells.

My sense of smell is back in full force.  Guess what?  I don't always smell like roses.  Neither does the gym, cabs, airplanes, hotels, cigarettes....you get it.  Everything has a smell.  I guess alcohol kills your ability to smell.  Well, thanks to sobriety I smell it all now.  And, it stinks.  

3.  Drunk People.

Yep.  I said it.  They're bonkers.  I absolutely cannot stand hearing another drunk person burst into their sad childhood/extraordinary opinions/unwarranted compliments/drunken complaints/unbelievable bravado/etc.  You can hear it in a voice over the phone.  The tinge of drunkenness that is about to exhaust you.  The 3 "byes" it takes to end the phone call.  I find it absolutely crazy that anyone enjoys "Drunk History" and "Drunk girl puts on makeup" youtube videos.  I guess I could've made money with my embarrassing videos.  I one time sat on a squeaky chair and squeaked it over and over like a fart for at least an hour.  Is it funny?  Yeah.  Is it annoying?  Abso-fucking-lutely.  

I've accepted that now I am more susceptible to every little thing.  I like it most of the time.  Next step, learning how to not be a bitch about the things I don't like.  What's the "quit being a bitch" step on the 12 step program?  Yeah, prob steps 2,4,5,7 and 10 could help.  But being the fairweather fan of AA that I am, I am just going to tell people when they stink.  Easier. 

Sober Style, 5th MonthAPRIL