I hate to make this day about my issues with myself but this is my blog and I do what I want.  My heart hurts today.  The entire month of September, I wear my commemorative pin to honor those who passed on this fateful day and those who have been effected in the aftermath.  That is everyone.  The terrorism has changed the world.  And, it has entirely changed the airline industry.  

I will not go into specifics but hijackers in the past were all just searching for asylum.  Airline employees were trained to work with them.  Today's reality: there are people in the world that are terrorists who want to kill you.  Now I am going to make this about me again.

I went to rehab.  In my rehab, I was with a group of about 20 people.  In this group we did an activity where we wrote one thing that we fear.  We folded up the tiny squares of paper that we each wrote one fear and placed it in a bowl.  We passed the bowl around and each chose one fear that did not belong to you.  We went around in a circle and read the fear and told the group how he/she empathized with the person that wrote the fear.

The fears were all very similar except for mine.  "The fear of losing loved ones."  "The fear of relapsing."  "The fear of not being able to pay bills or losing a job."  "The fear of sickness."   All of the fear revolved around a person and his/her family unit.

Mine. "The fear of terrorism."  It is in my face every day.  I am watching for terrorism every day.  I walk out of my hotel in Paris.  Terrorism at the Eiffel Tower.  In London, right outside one hotel, terrorists bombed the Tube station.  In Brussels, terrorists came into a hotel looking for the Air France crew. America. America. America.  It is everywhere.  Yet, when the person that read my slip of paper respectfully tried to empathize, at least 15 people in my group laughed.  They were not laughing at me.  They were laughing because to them, the fear was unreasonable.  It was not a fear that they hold.  

So, now I wonder, is my fear abstract?  How do you deal with anxiety created by something you cannot control?  Anxiety is a trigger for my drinking, so I work on this in every aspect of my life.  But, terrorism is not under our control.  In Nice, the people celebrating Bastille day were just living.  In Brussels, people were just walking through the airport were just living.  There was nothing they could have done to not be in that situation aside from stay home and not experience life.  

If anyone has any good ideas, please email me how to deal with this anxiety.  All I have now is to try and share the feelings with people who can empathize.  I try and let the love of life outweigh the hate in the world. Those are feelings and I let them be real.  But, above all, I never become complacent in our security.  Smile at the TSA workers, ask how they're doing.  Tell the pilots, "Thank You!" for getting you safely to your destination from the cockpit.  Listen to your flight attendants.  I can assure you that they do not want to have to tell you to sit down while the cockpit door is open.  There are many things they get tired of saying and having people be combative.  Every day, a flight attendant is using his/her eyes, ears, and words to keep you safe.  And, that is the goal folks.  Also, bring chocolate.  We like chocolate.

Never Forget.