Traffic Trigger Twinkle Twinkle

Sometimes you need a 5 year old to point out the crazy.  My niece is 5 and she is leaps and bounds more intelligent than I am.  I have 7 months sober and sometimes I need the simple bits of life explained to me.  Today, we set out driving just before rush hour traffic together.  She was in her carseat in the back and I was in the driver's seat.  

One of my serious triggers is traffic.  It sounds menial.  But, hey, our triggers are our triggers.  About a month out of rehab, it took me an hour to drive one mile and my autopilot turned on and I ended up sitting in my car crying my eyes out in front of a liquor store.  Ugly tears.  Drag me out of my car by my feet and throw me in the backseat of your car in the fetal position and drive me to a loony bin tears.  Thankfully, my cravings only lasted about 20 minutes that day before I could think straight again and remember I just spent multiple thousand dollars getting sober.  Thankfully I had a sober friend that could talk me out of it and offered to come get me.  Thankfully I can choose the time of day I drive on the highway.  I live my life thankfully now.  Chock full of gratitude.  

So, here is what happened today.  We set out right before rush hour.  But, things happened.  A little girl needed to peepee and we had to use about 30 minutes finding a place to go off of the toll road.  Then, my GPS rerouted us because the rain started to pour.  Then, we ended up on a highway with way too many people and dead stopped traffic.  I exited because after another hour/one mile someone needed to peepee again.  So, pulling out of the shell station, I had to turn left.  The traffic was non-stop.  I was going to have to turn right.  I refused.  So, of course I was doing the PC version of flipping everyone off and screaming profanities.  No one would let me squeeze by to go left.  So, I was honking like the city-girl I've become in Chicago.  

Then, I heard the voice of a little angel that peepees every 5 minutes.  She said, "You get what you get, so don't throw a fit."  Then, she sang me Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in the voice of a dog.  I smiled and thought, wow, I am being crazy.  Then, I sang Twinkle Twinkle like a frog would. 

"You get what you get, so don't throw a fit."

-5 year old


7th MonthAPRIL