14 Months Sober. Sobriety Became my Normal.
Pardon the language. But, f@#k me. I have been sober over 14 months. I cannot tell you how giddy I feel that sobriety has become my norm. Giddy. As. F@#k. I was not this way. I congratulated myself if I made it to 5 pm versus noon without a glass of wine. I have 14 months sober time beneath my belt. A reader asked me the other day if I still have cravings...I had to think on it. Do I? Yes. Yes I do.
I still hold my sobriety in high esteem. Truthfully, cravings don't irritate me anymore. They're not frequent. They aren't the same as they used to be. I don't get bothered when I drive by a liquor store after work. I don't get scared to walk by the liquor aisle at the grocery store. I do not have a problem when someone drinks something around me.
Triggers I do still have...insomnia, stress, and sadness. After all of this time and disassociation with alcohol, I still have sneaky impulses to reach for a glass of wine. I do not long for it. Occasionally the thought shows up. You know, the "that would help" feeling? This is what a trigger is, an impulse to reach for wine. How on earth do I still hold an impulse to reach for it after over a year? I am as stubborn as heck. All that matters is that I am aware when I feel triggered. That's the key to this #teetotallyawesome life. Pick and choose your outcome. Wine or no wine.
The way I deal with impulses to reach for wine.
1. I use mindfulness. I acknowledge the crazy feeling that wine would help.
3. I just don't. I can remember that shit show and want to avoid it. I am incredibly grateful I can consciously make that choice and grateful for all of the systems and people that empower me to do so.
Yeah, I know that this 3 point list makes it sound easy. It is not. Life is not. Let's just be honest, some days I stay in bed and think, why God why? But, we all know my life isn't the worst and it sure as hell isn't the best. But, guess what? Life, y'all. Life. Just remember it is ok to have feelings. It is ok to feel anxious...depressed...sad...happy...triggered. The only thing that matters is how you deal with your feelings. Are you going to self-detruct? Nah. We just have to hold on tight and keep riding our tigers. Giddy up.