Sex and Sobriety, 5 Ways to Get Your Sexuality Back

I lost my fire the minute I set down my wine glass.  I lost my ummmph.  I lost my ability to go wild and set myself free.  I gained so much more than I lost, though.  Gradually, I am working my way back into the world of nookie.  Here is my beginner's guide to getting out of your sexual shell. 

1.  Evaluate whether it is you wanting to be sexual or your partner asking for sex.  

This is a big one.  If your reasons to be more sexual stem from someone else pushing you, it is not going to work.  You're starting down a road that will lead you to unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.  Self care is not selfish.  You have to know yourself enough to say, "gimme that."  You will, when your heart and body are ready.

2.  Do not watch porn.  

I repeat-DO NOT WATCH PORN.  That is not reality.  That is a fallacy that has been thrust upon us, literally.  I'm sorry, but my butthole does not look like that.  My body does not look like that.  I do not bend like that.  Porn has become a caricature of "sexy."  It is a fictional compilation of surgeries and good camera angles.  If you watch it, you will not feel sexy.  You will feel inadequate.  This goes for the "Shades of Grey" series, too.  Not real.  Don't bother.

3.  Initiate intimacy.

Hold hands.  Touch each other.  Hug.  Kiss.  Make the mood romantic.  If you cannot have intimate moments, then you should not be having sex.  Sex is intimate.  But, intimacy does not come from sex.  I could draw you a Venn Diagram.  Remember those, the two circles that overlap.  

4.  Wear clothes that make you feel sexy.

You love your breasts, lower that neckline.  You love your bum, put on those skinny jeans.  You look good all over?  Walk around in your birthday suit with all of the lights on.   I started wearing Muumuus, y'all.  I lost sight of this.  I went full-on Muumuu.  I am still working on this.  

5.  Exercise.  

I know exercise sounds like the solution to every problem.  It is.  It improves your mood, your sex drive, your self-esteem, your health...Exercise releases endorphins.  "Endorphins make you happy.  Happy people don't kill their husbands."  Elle Woods

 

Being sexual can be terrifying and intimidating.  Be patient with yourself.  You're learning a new love language.  It isn't sloppy and drunk.  There are no expectations.  It is a very real and simple part of life.  If you aren't in a relationship, all of these still apply.  Sex is about trust and bonding.  If you're like me, you are learning to trust yourself and bond with yourself a lot nowadays.  You get what I mean....Gotta love yourself, y'all, in and out of the sheets. 

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8th MonthAPRIL