I Lost my Passion in Sobriety
I know there are a lot of sunshine and rainbows that are promised as soon as you set down your last glass of wine. That is not what happened for me, sadly. I used to looooove things that I can no longer bring myself to do sober. I, of course, blog about my loss of passion for sex all of the time. I saw my sexual appetite go from balls to the wall to zero in sobriety. But, another passion I do not blog about frequently is art.
I love making art. I did some sort of art every day for the last decade...until I got sober. I would wake up every morning and think, what can I make today? Sometimes my art was in the form of gardening. Sometimes woodwork, sewing, drawing, painting, ceramics, leatherwork, etc. If it was creative, I was in. I created friendships and networks amongst my diy friends and was excited daily to see what everyone was up to. People who create are amongst the best people in the world. So much love goes into creation.
Fast forward to sobriety...
I stopped. I stopped responding to invites to my crafting club that I created. I stopped talking to friends that I loved that shared my creative passion. I stopped having a creative outlet. Why? Because as with all things in my life, I had linked it to drinking wine. It was always wine and crafting. I had not crafted without a glass of wine in hand in over a decade. (Just as I had not had sex without wine in over a decade.) It wasn't a lack of passion. It was a lack of ability to disconnect the two that has caused my artistic passion to ween. I had to stop wine, and I could not figure out how to be artistic without it. I just couldn't.
What is significant about this? I figured out my sex issues with this connection. Sex and art were my two favorite things in life. Yeah yeah, don't judge, you know you like sex, too. But, since getting sober I have not been able to enjoy either. I have been actively looking for a medical reason for my disconnect with sex in sobriety. I googled what chemicals might've changed in my body when I stopped fueling with alcohol. I begged my gyno for a pill to help. She refused as a good doctor should. But, I get it now. I have just have to relearn my passion. I have to relearn my creativity in and out of the sheets. It's going to get messy.
I have the Unruffled Podcast by Tammi Salas and Sondra Primeaux to thank for inspiring me to get back to my creative self. Check it out.